I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
