I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
