I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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