Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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