He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
