I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
