Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
