She is in my trunk
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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