so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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