So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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