i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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