she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
