I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
