She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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