i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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