At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
