Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
