i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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