Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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