I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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