It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
