when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
