last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ttyl tear gas
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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