He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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