Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we're making bets on your personal life
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
What a dumb baby whore.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
