There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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