Apparently you make a good broom.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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