So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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