Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
