People in love make me want to vomit
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
