Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
now i know why i became what i already was.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
