my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
