Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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