It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
