i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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