Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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