Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
