Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
