the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
