oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
