By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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