I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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