Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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