I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I want her autograph on my taint
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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