i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
