...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
