i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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