ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
