i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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