There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
