i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
