Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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