Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
