The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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