nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
