Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
