I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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