No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
