everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
