1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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